Routine: A Stream of Consciousness

It ties my world together

Sometimes tighter than I would like

I know it is important

But like many crucial things

It has a tendency to constrict to the point of discomfort

I know I will fall out of it
I have to accept that or I'll just upset myself.
Frustrate myself,
Berate myself.
Placate my self-inflicted sense of uselessness
With online lists and quizzes.

Creativity fizzes when I shake the can of my routine
Pull back the tab and start anew
A fresh stream of seconds, minutes, hours that I have to get used to.
Notes go in folders
But then it all falters
And time falls from the hourglass
Days pass without but a little output.
One post a week becomes a month void of proof
Of what's been going on under the radar
Under the roof.

Sometimes I just need to create.
Not think about consequences, not hesitate
Just make something
Don't worry about quality
Forget about reaction
No retraction
Just share it. Let it become whatever it can be
When someone else reads it
With their expectations, worries and cares
And makes it theirs.

Maybe others are stronger
Maybe it takes me longer to adjust than others
Or maybe we all have times like this one
Human Condition.

I must find ways of tying my world back together
Find new knots to hold the chaos in
Occasionally letting it bleed out
Keep me a little bit insane, as all the best are.
And if I need my routine back, it never goes far.