Writer, Wanderer, Wonderer
Thoughts, poems, stories, words and wonderings from an amateur improvisor, writer and musician.
Friday, 19 July 2024
Sam Marshall: Published Article Archive
Thursday, 14 March 2024
Sketch: Please Hold
Pre-recorded voice: Thank you for calling Penrose Pension Consolidation. We can't wait to talk to you about your plans for the future, but unfortunately all our operators are busy right now. Please hold.
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You can always schedule a call with us via your online account. Just make sure you have your current 81-digit case-sensitive login reference ID to hand. We send a new login reference ID to your address every other Friday, so please ensure you have your most up-to-date letter.
If you are calling to request a new 81-digit case-sensitive login reference ID, or would still like to speak to an operator, please continue to hold.
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You are now number - 11 - in the queue.
We're sorry to keep you waiting. Your call is very important to us, and we will connect you with one of our advisors as soon as possible.
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Today's hold music DJ is Aled Jones, playing his collection of Debussy and Vaughan Williams' settings of Pre-Raphaelite verse. If you'd like to hear audio translations of the foreign language pieces, press 1.
If you'd like us to suggest a good wine to accompany the music, please dial the star key, followed by your Penrose Premium Experience code. You can subscribe to Penrose Premium Experience via your online account, with an introductory offer of only £19.50 per month. Terms and conditions apply.
If you'd like to make a request, or have a message read out between tracks, please hang up and call our fully automated customer experience line. Be sure to speak very clearly, or the system may not pick up your message correctly. We try to read out messages within one minute, so return promptly to this line if you wish to hear your submission.
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You are now number - 7 - in the queue.
If you're one of those customers who finds it annoying rather than reassuring to be told every twenty-five seconds that your call is important to us and that you will be speaking to one of our advisors very soon, press 2 to be transferred to our alternative hold queue.
Currently playing on that line is our interview hour. Kate Lawler talks to Barbie superfan Jennie about what her pension means to her, and why she thinks Vanessa Redgrave would have been a better choice for the role of Ken.
If you'd like to be featured on interview hour, please send an email to entertainment@penrosePC.co.uk with three hundred words on how your pension is helping you live life to the full. If you are chosen for an appearance, report to the address on our website at 9am on your allotted day for hair & make-up. Please also ensure you are available for two hours after your timeslot, to allow for production delays.
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New voice, Welsh accent: That was, of course, Love Lily by Edward Dannreuther, adapted from Dante Gabriel Rosetti's poem of the same name. And there's just time to tell you that Martin from Seahouses wants to wish his twin granddaughters a very happy 1st birthday. Ruby and Molly, you're the lights of his life, and he looks forward to spoiling you rotten using the money he's saved with Penrose.
Little bit of Wagner coming up, but first it's time to find out where you are in that queue!
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You are now number - 6 - in the queue.
We understand that being on hold can be a distressing and uncertain experience. If you'd like to help us trial our new 'constant reassurance' line, press 3 to be transferred there. We will ask you to complete a short que--
**Beep**
Your call is very important to us.
You will gain incredible peace of mind by knowing we've got your pension sorted.
You are loved and respected by those around you.
You are a valued customer, not only to us, but to any establishment you grace with your custom.
Your worth is not tied to a single aspect of your life. You contain multitudes.
You will be talking to one of our advisors very shortly.
You should buy yourself that little treat you've been telling yourself you don't deserve.
You are a wonderful person with unlimited potential.
You are number - 15 - in the queue.
Sunday, 31 December 2023
2023: My Year In Music
Hold the Girl (2022) by Rina Sawayama (2022)
- The Crowned (2023) by Che Aimee Dorval - Symphonic rock and soul are strange bedfellows, but this album combines them with ease, and to great effect - Dorval's vibrant and powerful voice is a highlight throughout. Start with 'Lionize'
- Confidence (2023) by The Hoosiers - The closest this duo has come to recreating the whimsical ingenuity of their acclaimed debut album, their latest effort makes for a highly entertaining 35 minutes. Start with 'Hello Sunshine'
- five seconds flat (2022) by Lizzie McAlpine - Flush with frenetic rhythms, rich melodies and well-crafted metaphors, this immersive, assured sophomore album was very unlucky not to make the top 5. Start at the beginning
Monday, 30 January 2023
Every Episode of Cabin Pressure, Ranked
In 1989, Victoria Wood produced a series of six half-hour TV plays, featuring all her classic collaborators - Anne Reid, Celia Imrie and of course Julie Walters to name a few. My dad - the biggest VW fan I know - introduced me to them, and they really are brilliant (here's a link to watch the first one). But almost as impressive is my dad's almost word-for-word recollection every line in every episode.
My equivalent of this is Cabin Pressure, a radio sitcom following the adventures of a tiny charter airline - one jet, two pilots, the CEO and her flight attendant son. For all of his sketch comedy prowess, it's in this show that John Finnemore (also a huge Victoria Wood fan) shows the real subtlety of his craft. I can quote most of the lines before they come, and its delightful familiarity has earned it the status of 'noise that I put on in the background as I fall asleep.'
Before you ask, yes I did just turn 27, and that means it's time to focus on the important things in life. Like putting every episode of my favourite Radio 4 sitcom in order of preference. For reference, each one is named for the destination the characters are flying to in that episode, and alphabetical order roughly matches chronological order.
If you've never listened to Cabin Pressure before, this is my fervent recommendation. (Series 2 is well worth an audible credit, at least.) If you do heed my advice, let me know what you think! And if you're familiar with the show, I'd love to hear what you think of my ranking.
Tier 3
26. Helsinki
25. Rotterdam
24. Abu Dhabi
23. Boston
22. Fitton
21. Johannesburg
At this point, it’s worth saying that there isn’t a single episode of Cabin Pressure that I don’t like. These bottom six episodes are the ones that I don’t instinctively come back to when I want to listen to one episode on its own. Mostly this is because their plots are slightly weaker and less inventive than average, though there are exceptions.
Helsinki, for instance, takes bottom spot because I can’t stand listening to Carolyn’s great nephew Kieran - despite a compelling B plot concerning Douglas’ small-time smuggling business. And while Cabin Pressure’s bottle episodes all showcase Finnemore’s pleasing knack for one-act plays, Fitton is the weakest among them.
Most of series 1 ends up here, but that’s largely because later seasons are an improvement. I'd still urge the keen radio 4 listener to start at the beginning, because early episodes like Abu Dhabi and Boston do an excellent job setting up the main cast and their relationships. It's always a pleasure to hear how the characters grow from colleagues who don’t really like each other to true friends over the course of the series.
Tier 2
20. Edinburgh (Birling Day #1)
19. Wokingham
18. Timbuktu (Birling Day #3)
17. Molokai (Christmas Special)
16. Uskerty
15. Paris (Birling Day #2)
14. Douz
13. Cremona
12. Yverdon-Les-Bains
11. Ottery St Mary
The middle group is made up of episodes that aren’t my favourite, but that I’m always in the mood to listen to. All of the Birling Day episodes are here - a series-long tradition similar to Brooklyn Nine Nine’s Halloween heists - along with the stand-out episodes from season one.
Excellent guest performances from Helen Baxendale (Cremona) and John Sessions (Douz) keep their respective episodes close to the top of this group, while the revolting posh boy Mr Birling is another larger-than-life jewel in the crown of Geoffrey Whitehead’s BBC comedy roles.
Wokingham, though an excellent episode, loses points for me because I’m not hugely fond of Martin’s relationships with his siblings - though his mum Wendy, played to wholesome perfection by Prunella Scales, is one of my favourite single-episode characters.
By the same token, Yverdon-les-Bains and Ottery St Mary earn the top spots in this group partly because Anthony Head’s recurring character Herc (short for Hercules - after the aircraft, not the hero) is always a welcome addition to the cast.
This middle group represents the real essence of Cabin Pressure. The world’s smallest airline bites off more than it can chew, hijinks ensue, and everything’s wrapped up in time for tea (with the exception of Yverdon-les-Bains, the cliffhanger at the end of series 4). The comedy is bright and original, and even the most fleeting of characters have a depth and warmth that Finnemore always brings to his writing. Each one is sure to brighten any commute, or send this veteran listener to sleep with a smile on his face.
Tier 1
10. Xinzhou
9. Vaduz
8. Zurich (Two-part Finale Special)
7. Newcastle
6. Qikiqtarjuaq
5. St Petersburg
4. Kuala Lumpur
3. Limerick
2. Gdansk
1. Ipswich
And finally, we have the top ten. Episodes that are, in my humble opinion, among the best half hours of comedy Radio 4 has ever seen (or heard, I suppose). This group is mostly made up of episodes from the second and third series, which I think represents the show’s peak - though it was only once I’d put season 2 episodes in each of the top four spaces that I realised which is my favourite. There’s a strong showing from the final series as well, though. Vaduz introduces us to the delightful Theresa, who disappoints only by turning up so late into the show’s run. Xinzhou is a charmingly silly bottle episode, fitting for the final stand-alone instalment before Yverdon-les-Bains and Zurich tie up all the loose ends. And then there’s the finale itself, a heartfelt ending that is far more than a victory lap, and which truly is worthy of all that came before it. Found among these episodes are the show’s most memorable moments. Comedic ones, like Arthur’s struggles to improve his stewarding skills in Kuala Lumpur; and more solemn, character-driven moments, especially between pilots Arthur and Douglas. Newcastle deserves a special mention here, not only for its excellent guest appearances by Mark Williams and Anna Crilly, but also for that of Tom Goodman-Hill, an emergency understudy for Martin who steps into the role with fidelity and aplomb. There is so much more I could mention about this show. I haven’t even mentioned its stunning, star-studded central cast, which includes a very non-Sherlock-sounding Benedict Cumberbatch. But to say any more would only ruin your enjoyment. So please go find it for yourself, and I sincerely hope that you - like myself and Arthur - think it’s brilliant.
Tuesday, 27 December 2022
2022: My Year In Music
Blue Weekend (2021) by Wolf Alice
Punisher (2020) by Phoebe Bridgers
Big TV (2013) by White Lies
Sometimes I Might Be Introvert (2021) by Little Simz
A Fever You Can’t Sweat Out (2005) by Panic! At the Disco
Honourable mentions:
- Of Brine and Angels’ Beaks (2021) by Azure - Voted ‘best unsigned band of 2021’ by readers of Prog magazine, Azure are all the evidence one needs that Prog Rock is alive and well in the UK. Adventure and scope, humour and tenderness - this epic sophomore album has it all, and I can’t wait to see what they have in store. Start with ‘The Jellyfish’
- Raw Data Feel (2022) by Everything Everything - Beating out Taylor Swift, Harry Styles and Rina Sawayama for my pop album of the year, Raw Data Feel is as enjoyable as it is prescient. Its lyrics (co-written by a custom AI programme) find connection and hope within our demanding, tech-focused world, while addictive and nuanced melodies hold even the shortest attention span right until the end. Start with ‘My Computer’
- Birds with Broken Wings (2015) by Ben Caplan - A Johnny Cash for the 21st Century, Ben Caplan’s captivating voice guides us through existential heights and lonely nights with equal dexterity. One of few artists truly deserving of the term ‘troubadour,’ his gift for metaphor can spin even the most mundane threads of thought to gold. Start at the beginning
Tuesday, 31 May 2022
5 Concept Albums You Might Not Have Heard Yet
Clockwork Angels by Rush (2012)
Trench by Twenty One Pilots (2018)
Broadsword and the Beast by Jethro Tull (1982)
Electra Heart by Marina and the Diamonds (2012)
Psychodrama by Dave (2019)
Monday, 28 February 2022
Adventures in Authorship #2: A Favourable Failure
By the end of the first post in this series, I was high on enthusiasm for writing a novel that I'm truly passionate about. This second instalment is about my first big bump in the road towards that goal.
After years of wanting to take part in National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo), I had finally found myself in possession of the perfect combo: plenty of free time in November and an idea for a story that I was actually excited to write.
With a good amount of planning under my belt, the time was ripe to dive in and begin my novel writing journey. But it was my first NaNoWriMo, and I was not prepared for the challenge that lay before me.
NaNoWriMo
A quick refresher for anyone unfamiliar: NaNoWriMo is an annual challenge in which aspiring authors all over the world attempt to stop procrastinating and get on with writing that novel.
The goal is to write 50,000 words in November, which averages out to 1666 words per day. Even in a month where you have a lot of free time, that is a huge commitment, so it's no surprise that I didn't manage it. Having come out the other side of this intense month, I'm amazed anyone ever completes the challenge at all.
I came in at just under 23,000 words, a figure that would have disappointed pre-November Sam. If you'd told me back then that I wouldn't even manage half the word count, I might have sacked the whole thing off. Writing a novel is difficult enough without the prospect of missing your very first deadline by failing to reach an arbitrary word count.
However, lots of people fail NaNoWriMo. And I'm far from the first person to write a blog post about the positives I've taken from failing this gruelling challenge. But the whole point of failure is to learn, and there are lessons that I'll take with me as I continue writing. So here's what failing NaNoWriMo did for me as a writer...
Quantity Before Quality
Though I hate to admit it to myself, I'm a huge perfectionist. I find it hard to call something complete until I know it's as good as I can make it. While this makes me a good critic for my own work, it can really slow me down when it comes to creative projects. And it's definitely not compatible with a time-bound challenge like NaNoWriMo.
It's not that I can't write to a deadline. But it's one thing to come close to a submission date by editing a short story as I write; quite another thing to pore over every phrase of an entire novel. If I was going to come close to 50,000 words, I had to change tack. I had to force myself to do what lecturers and online articles had been imploring me to do for years - I had to grit my teeth and move on even if I wasn't 100% satisfied with what I'd written.
Though it was painful at first to abandon sentences that I felt needed more work, I wouldn't have made the progress I did make without it. But there was another benefit to this approach that I hadn't expected: leaving edits until later has actually improved the quality of my editing.
My preference for editing on the go stems from an aversion to the idea of multiple drafts - why would I completely rewrite something when I could edit what I'm already writing? But it's funny just how much more clarity I feel when giving myself a few days or weeks between writing and editing. Though this might sound like a no-brainer, it's a new discovery for me and I'm going to stick to it.
Living the Literature
While the shift from "edit as you go" to "just keep writing" was a pretty significant one for me, the biggest change in mindset was actually to do with time management.
As I've mentioned on this blog before, I like to structure my creative time. This helps me to make space in my schedule to further my projects, but sometimes I'm just shooting myself in the foot. I don't like sitting down to work on something unless I know I have a big chunk of time to do so.
Once again, NaNoWriMo put paid to my way of thinking. You don't write 50,000 words in a month by restricting your time - you need to have the world of your novel constantly in mind. Waiting 5 minutes at the tram stop? Note down what will happen to your protagonist next. Waiting for a jacket potato to bake? See if you can finish that difficult chapter.
If that sounds unhealthy, I don't mean it to. Of course I allowed myself to switch off when needed. But relegating creativity to long, uninterrupted sessions isn't always helpful. What NaNoWriMo taught me was to be ready for inspiration all the time, and always be ready to make progress when possible. Lots of my best ideas come outside of my writing sessions, and committing them to paper sooner rather than later has definitely paid off in recent months.
A Kick Up the Backside
Even in the optimistic days of early November, there was a small voice in the back of my head that told me I would never hit 50,000 words. What kept me going during the doubt was that, regardless of my total at the end, I would have a significant chunk of my novel written. A chunk that I had previously refrained from getting down onto the page.
It sounds obvious, but once December arrived, it felt so cool to have a big long document full of... my book! Concepts and characters that had lived for so long in my head were now real and telling the story that will eventually become my novel. Though I hadn't even reached half of NaNoWriMo's word count, the feeling of reading through the first chapters of my story was enough to make this technical failure feel like a roaring success.
I always knew writing a novel would be a huge task, but it's only now that I'm facing the enormity of the legwork involved. Even at points where I know what's going to happen, each word still has to be chosen and added to the seemingly endless ocean of sentences.
That's even before considering the huge time commitment needed to write a novel. My free time fluctuates a lot, so it's difficult to build the momentum that was so easy to come by in November.
My journey through the novel-writing woods is far from over. But NaNoWriMo gave me the space and motivation to step into this forest, and has given me the skills I need to stick to the path even when times are hard.
My authorship journey continues, and progress is slow but steady. Thanks for reading, and I'll see you next time.